Despite a spending spree to make Gordon Brown clutch his pearls, Rishi Sunak’s spending review had ‘I’m a massive Tory and this is a Budget for my friends’ written through it like the world’s worst stick of rock
Image: AFP via Getty Images)
So much of Rishi Sunak’s Budget had been pre-announced that it felt like watching the Hollyoaks Omnibus.
Just like the weekly soap opera recap it was a lengthy, barely entertaining string of climactic moments which fall flat because you’ve known about them for a week.
The performance was mediocre, the jokes weren’t funny and if you think too hard about the content you’ll be disappointed.
Living up to his nickname in a roundabout way, Dishy Rishi dished out cash willy nilly in a spending spree that would make Imelda Marcos hide her credit card.
From making Universal Credit a bit more generous to throwing some money at the NHS backlog, such was the scale of the spending promises that onlookers began comparing him to that famous Tory penny pincher Gordon Brown.
Sadly Vince Cable wasn’t there to compliment the Chancellor on his transformation from Mr Bean into Stalin.
Not to set any hares running, but this seemed less like a post-pandemic Budget and more like a pre-Election budget.
Simon Walker HM Treasury)
But opened up to even delicate scrutiny, Rishi Sunak’s budget has ‘I’M A MASSIVE TORY AND THIS IS A BUDGET FOR MY FRIENDS’ written through it like the world’s worst stick of rock. Marmite and phlegm flavour.
Banks got a tax break, obviously.
There was a duty cut for domestic flights, just days before a climate conference which is bound to demand a reduction in unnecessary aviation.
With British musicians still unable to tour the EU after Brexit, Rishi did his bit to help the music industry with cash for a new museum dedicated to struggling up-and-comers The Beatles.
He even cut tax on Champagne, a policy so flamboyantly Tory it might as well have worn spats and a monocle.
And just to rub it in, he repeatedly said his spending promises were the biggest anyone had seen since 2010.
I imagine people will be furious when they find out which idiots have been in charge for the last 11 years.
At least in Hollyoaks, the villain normally gets his comeuppance eventually.